April Reflections

Hi! Thanks for checking out my little ramblings! Or not so little as it turned out, I apparently just have so much to say. There are book recs, music recs, a fantastic granola recipe, a very passionate paragraph about sponges, and just some things I’ve had some fun with, if you're interested. Putting things on the internet feels scary, especially when it’s outside the niche you’ve defined for yourself, but I’ve always loved writing, and have a lot of ideas for more specific, art-based mini essays I’d like to write, but those felt too scary as an entry point! So I’m dipping my toe in with something lighthearted, despite fears that someone will think “that wasn’t worth saying’. The internet is full of nonsense, and if nothing else I am doing my part to balance out the every-man-and-his-podcast epidemic. 

This is the vibe, just so you know what you’re getting into.

Eyes

Insect Crisis by Oliver Milman

 ‘I read for fun’, she says. ‘I love reading as a hobby,’ ‘ reading is so relaxing’ - reads a book about the violent global destruction of my favourite things on earth. Nice. A very well informed accumulation of the research by scientists globally who have been investigating the impacts of modern human life on insect populations, and the knock-on effects of this further up the food chain and on humanity. At the time of writing I’m about half way through, and it sits on a very comfortable balance between being quite statistic heavy, yet still fairly easy reading. I would definitely recommend it for anyone not familiar with how pivotal insects are in worldwide systems/ how many human structures threaten them. Not to herald myself as any sort of bug oracle, but as someone who engages with a lot of conservation content, I am finding I’m familiar with a lot of the concepts in the book so far, so the ratio of just stressing myself out with climate doom versus actually learning is less than ideal currently:,) There is still half the book left though so stay tuned!

Censored Art Today by Gareth Harris

I picked this book up in the Museu de l’Art Prohibit (Prohibited Art Museum) around this time last year, and finally reached for it as it was very short (only about 80 pages) and I’d been in a bit of a reading rut so I thought it would be perfect to read over the long weekend I was in Glasgow. To buy a book in one country and read it in another! What a privilege to be able to travel so much, as an aside. I did leave the book wanting more, as it felt fairly surface level, giving one or two examples of whatever point was being made and skimming over much deeper analysis. This can be forgiven from such a short book though, and it does have a thorough (and delectable looking) further reading section at the end, which I am keen to sink my teeth into. The entry-level points are more than made up for by the breadth and intersectionality of the content. With experiences of artists and curators from Brazil, North America, China, Cuba, Ukraine, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Quatar and others, I felt much more attuned to global experiences than with many critical art books, especially ones I’ve seen in the UK which tend to be very English and North America-centric. It also makes a point of considering queer artists and experiences. There is tale after tale of artists blacklisted and ostracised at best, and arrested and physically threatened at worst for using their art to criticise powers that be, or just express themselves. Reading that Yulia Tsvetkova, a Russian artist, is imprisoned for 6 years just for posting feminist illustrations on her then twitter account struck me to my core, and that isnt even remotely the worst of it. It was a chilling reminder of just how privileged we still are in the west, and how vital it is to resist the creeping imposition on our rights coming from increasingly conservative (or outright fascist in the case of America at the time of writing) governments, for women, for queer people, disabled people, people of colour. It really is use it or lose it, and it has got me thinking a lot about how I can use my art to be more politically engaged. I talk a lot about believing, as i truly do, about the transformative power of art (I might do a whole post about it), and it feels like equal parts obligation and gift to be really fucking vocal in very violent times about what I believe is right. I encourage you to, too, in whatever ways are accessible to you.

Sottobosco+ Maria Sybilla Merian

I was thumbing through my copy of Crawly Creatures: Little Animals in Art and Science, gifted to me by a dear friend after they visited the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam (literally my favourite book ever, you will be hearing more on this). What I discovered was a term for something I’d long loved already: sottobosco. Literally meaning ‘undergrowth’, sottobosco in art was a brief period in mostly Dutch painting in the 17th century where, for pretty much the first time, attention was paid specifically to the forest floor, and all of the creatures that dwelled there. All manner of creatures low to the ground were considered revolting pretty much globally, their associations being with dirtiness, ungodliness, and immorality. Snakes, toads, lizards, and certainly insects had never been the subject of art, until now. A prominent name in this little movement was Maria Sibylla Merian (1647-1717). Maria started to collect insects as a teenager, received art training from her father, and published her first book of nature illustrations in 1675. Her work is beautiful, and still often in circulation today, I’m sure some of it will look familiar to you. It made my day to find that not only someone whose works I’d seen frequently was a woman, but that she was one of the first people in Europe to document insects specifically. After my own heart.

The Lobster (2015, dir. Lorgos Lathinmos)

This film was so bizarre. I loved it. I really enjoyed the deep discussions it prompted after about heteronormativity, its function in society, and capitalist automation. So much to pick at, and just a strange vibe that I hadn’t seen anything like before. 

The premise is that single people check into a hotel, and have 40 days to find a match, or they are turned into an animal. Much else ensues. The romance and passion is almost entirely eradicated from the process of finding a partner, and every system in the hotel operates for efficiency- the opposite of the true human experience in my opinion. It felt to me like a hyper-concentrated example of how capitalism would have us all operate, with automation, predictability, and uniformity overriding the messy, unreliable, diverse expression of being alive. There are violent habits in the film which I felt also mimicked the violence of these exploitative systems, and also the violent lengths many people are forced to go to to survive under them. I could go on and on about this film, and also am realising I need to take notes while I watch if I’m going to fancy myself a film buff because my memory for specifics is atrocious :) I rated it three and a half on letterboxed, which is where pretty much everything (unless it rocks my entire world) sits because I just enjoy watching films :) 

The Face of Another (1966, dir. Hiroshi Teshigahara)[SLIGHT verging on SPOILERS ahead!]

I saw it described as a surrealist something or other and was sold; I don't know if I would call it that, but it was still incredibly thought provoking. A man whose entire face is disfigured in some way reaches out to an experimental prosthetics doctor for a realistic face mask. The doctor is convinced it will change his personality, almost obsessively so. The doctor believes that should this be available to the world that everyone would spiral into feckless violence- crucially: violence they would have never have considered before. And the protagonist does indeed commit violence; my parting thoughts with the film though are that everything he ended up doing was only larger scale versions of things he’d done before. I realised at the end how effectively foreshadowing had been employed, as I has been so engrossed in the main character’s own portrayal of himself, largely through his words, that I had been entirely overlooking the rich, and more accurate, sense of his character that had been being laid out in the beginning of the film through his actions. The film poses many questions on the self; how we interact with others, especially when accountability is taken out of play; and escape, especially of emotions. I thought there were huge implications to be made against our modern day, a time of comment sections and message boards/forums of various formats and the way that anonymity appears to make people act in, often more cruel, ways than they might in person. I gave it three stars on letterboxed, because I thoroughly enjoyed it but it was a little slow at some points.

Tavaziva: Greed 

Lastly, I had the pleasure of watching Greed performed by Tavaziva Dance company at the Jersey Arts Centre last week. The friends I’d reached out to were busy, so I went on my own (not to act like any self help guru, but in case you haven't heard it recently, never let not having anyone to go with stop you from doing the things you want to. Doing them alone is brilliant, even when it's scary). Seeing this performance made me realise I’d stopped watching dance when I’d stopped dancing myself, and I realised how much I’d missed it. What a show to come back to. The description from the description on the JAC website says ‘Greed is choreographer Bawren Tavaziva’s treatment of The Seven Deadly Sins and deals with the interplay of money, power, and religion between African and Western cultures. Performed by a cast of five stellar dancers, this challenging, fast-paced, contemporary production will excite and enthuse new audiences.’ And I couldn’t agree more. I will be honest and say contemporary was never my favorutie discipline when I was dancing, so I don’t know confidently how to translate intention out of the choreography, but it was mesmerising nonetheless. The lighting, music, and costumes all worked so well, emphasising moments and movements beautifully. Unfortunately the show only ran for two days, but I really recommend seeing them if you ever have the chance!

Ears

Cat Clyde

Apparently I was in my country era this month, I don’t know what to tell you. It started with discovering Cat Clyde and her stunning live recorded album ‘Live at Rare Bird Farm’. Her slightly country, heavily folk tones, and unbelievable voice started the month off strong. Forever grateful to Bandcamp for all of the new artists I’ve found (+supporting artists directly and avoiding stinky Spotify is really cool!!!

Then I found out Great Grandpa, who I’ve loved for a long time, had released a new album, Patience Moonbeam. The second song, Never Sleep, moves me to tears every time. The album itself is such a journey, and offers lots of sounds I wouldn’t have expected from Great Grandpa, who I’ve always thought of as quite typically indie. There are borderline-country sounds near the beginning, through to some electronic weird bits towards the end, but it works- beautifully I would add. 

Favourite lyric: ‘every pain has thrills’ from Never Sleep

The Chicks

My last sounds of the month were a throwback, technically to before my time but I listened to them a lot when I was a kid. I listened to exclusively The Chicks ‘Wide Open Spaces’ on repeat for almost a week. The country was in full swing. I was singing There’s your Trouble to myself for almost three days. Great album, I know it, I’m sure you know it, no notes honestly. Who knows what next month will bring.

Honourable mention

Not country, I also discovered ‘Livestock’ by Fake Pollocks on Bandcamp, never bought an album so fast. Great punk tracks, and just ??? Fucking loads of bird references. Right up my street, I love birds. But genuinely a great album, I- as you may have noticed- am not actually very good at describing music, but if you're into punk (OR BIRDS) give it a listen. 

Nose

Sumac, cathedral, paint stripper

What an interesting month for smells! I found a recipe- which I now actually can’t remember what I was making, I think it was something Iranian, which called for sumac, which I’d never cooked with before. I just remember opening the pot and being astounded by how beautiful the smell was. Literally wish I could tell you more than that, go smell some sumac and you’ll get it.

If you follow me on Instagram, you may remember me being incredibly excited a couple of months ago about my perfume testers from Haus of Hecate arriving, their newest scent ‘Cathedral’ specifically. Haus of Hecate make natural, vegan, and cruelty free perfumes (and other scented things), without all of the harsh chemicals which can wreak havoc on your body. I was hoping that they would as a result of this not give me the headaches I used to get when wearing standard perfumes, and they don’t!!! Huge win. Cathedral is a dark, smoky, heavily incense-y smell, my boyfriend always says I smell like an old church when I wear it (win). I raced through the tester, and was so excited to order a full size bottle. I also ordered an incense in the same scent, which is making my bookshelf and art nook smell divine. 

On a far less pleasant note, I have been barraged by paint stripper this month. I am determined to not say that I r*gret deciding to take the paint off of all of my doorframes … but I sure wish it wasn’t this time consuming and heavy on the manual labour… and stinky. But at the (multiple) points I’ve been close to giving up and just repainting them, I have, quite aggressively, reminded myself that I’ve got this far and if I stop now all of the effort expended already was in vain, and (hopefully) it will look really good when it’s done. I think that, and then I think about how many far more important things in life that sentiment could apply to. 

Mouth

Flavours I’ve loved and flavours I’m thinking about! 

I made my own granola for the first time, which I can not overstate how thrilled I was about. I am usually very picky about granolas, I think a lot of them are soooooo bland, or just lazily packed with sugar which I find makes me feel a bit sick at breakfast and I crash so hard around lunch. But a friend lent me a vegan whole grain baking book, which I genuinely took about 80 pictures from before I returned, and there was a recipe for a spiced coconut granola. When I say it goes hard………. Omg. I am a sucker for ignoring recipes, so I can give you only a rough approximation of what I did:

I know I started with 250g rolled oats, mixed them with pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, ground flax seed, shredded coconut, and almonds (measure all of these with your heart, and also substitute liberally, I’m sure it would be fine).

Then mix in a teaspoon each-ish of cinnamon, allspice, ground ginger, ground nutmeg, ground cloves. In a separate bowl mix 2 tablespoons melted coconut oil, 2 tablespoons of treacle, 150ml ish of your chosen liquid sweetener, I used a bit of honey and a bit of date syrup, a pinch of salt, and 60 ml water. Pour that over your dry stuff, then spread over two baking trays and bake for about 20 minutes, turned half way. I love mine with alpro yoghurt:)

I was guesting in Glasgow in the middle of the month (best time ever), and was very lucky to get a last minute table at a fully vegan kitchen called Suissi. I really thought I’d got pictures of the food but apparently it disappeared too fast, not surprising. I’d eaten there last time I was in Glasgow, and my only objective was to order more than I did last time, because the food was incredible and the server advising us last time severely underestimated my appetite. It’s vaguely similar to Awabi in Jersey in that there are lots of small sharer bites, and then some larger mains, and everything is brought out gradually. The star of the show form me, of the absolute mountain I ordered, was my main: Crispy Cantonese noodles served with lots of tofu, mushrooms, and veg, and a thick soy based sauce. I’d never had anything like it, the flavour of the sauce was to die for, and the noodles, which I don’t know how I was surprised that they actually came out crispy, got gradually softer as they sat in the sauce. Dreamy. A must eat for vegans and non-vegans if youre ever in Glasgow. Honourable mention also to the coconut daiquiri I had in another fave restaurant in Glasgow, Pickled Ginger. Thank god I ordered that as the meal was ending or I actually could have had five. Coconut rum, lime, rose something? Delectable and dangerous. 

My newest discovery, that I’d been meaning to try for ages, was cauliflower stems. Well I finally remembered when I was roasting some cauliflower, and just chopped the leaves up and threw them right in, with some salt, pepper, and mocked paprika. Life changing. They are so delicious, a little bit sweet, they went lovely and soft. I finished my meal wishing there were actually more leaves on any given cauliflower. They’re actually all I can think about. They’re also really high in Calcium, Vitamin C, folate, and a bunch of other micronutrients, so maybe give it a go next time you're roasting some cauliflower (you can also eat them any other way you'd usually eat cauliflower, you can chuck the leaves in raw in a salad). 

My next flavour goal is magnolia syrup! I saw someone making some, probably in a reel, and I love me a syrup, especially homemade. I have been on the hunt for a magnolia tree I could pinch some petals from, and was awfully close to just knocking on a random house in town who had one outside their home- sorry that I believe in community spirit! I would give my magnolia petals to a stranger if they asked? But I am aware that might seem a bit odd to some people, so thankfully I have recently discovered that my partner’s parents actually have a magnolia tree, and are happy for me to pilfer some. Magnolia syrup side quest is a go! Watch this space. 

Hands

Technically my first tactile point is from the end of March, but I’m still thinking about it and it’s inspired a lot (and I’m literally writing this I make the rules) so it’s going in the April dump! I hand sewed and embroidered a cicada-inspired mask for a surrealist ball organised by Jersey Heritage. The ball was in celebration of Claude Cahun and Marcel Moore, iconic queer artists and activists who lived in Jersey during the Second World War. The ball was glorious, with a great DJ, two performances, and so many lovely faces and costumes. What I really loved about the process was discovering that I actually adored embroidery. I committed myself to making the mask, and then realised that I’d not gotten along very well with textiles at school, and often found fiddly and time consuming personal projects boring and frustrating- and little is more fiddly and time consuming than embroidery. But, classically leaving it last minute, the week of the ball, I very happily spent almost 13 hours hand stitching my mask, I even took it to an AGM I had to attend and sat sewing while everyone went about business. I do think the defining difference is that none of the other projects I’d tried were bug related, so clearly that is where I went wrong. My next craft I want to explore is embroidering bugs on a hoop, similar works I’ve admired for years from creators like @atypicalcuriostities.

Me, looking very buggish, complete with antennas. I’ve never felt more cool honestly.

I also picked up some pastels for the first time in maybe a decade, just for fun. I am always trying to weave a little pressure-free creativity back into my regular routine, with so much time spent tattooing I struggle to find the time and the energy. It is so important, though, to take the pressure off sometimes, and to be bad at something. I am not good with pastels, I probably (almost definitely) wasn’t using them correctly. I made my little drawing (actually also a cicada, very on brand) far too small, and couldn’t do much with it. But, by god did I have fun. I believe so firmly in creating for no other reason than joy and experiencing, not for money, not for work; just as part of being human. I will very likely write a whole bit on that philosophy at some point, but I’ll leave you with the express knowledge that you can make art, no matter what, and every creative act is important. 

On possibly the most lame note in this whole very mundane blog post, is I finally found plastic free sponges in Jersey again. I have this bug-bear about sponges, I know it’s about on par with plastic straws in the greater environmental goings-on, but of all things, the guilt I feel perpetually throwing out plastic sponges agonises me. The hunt for plastic free sponges has become a nemesis of mine for the last few years, since we lost Tesco in Alliance (RIP to the only vegan chocolate covered digestives) I haven’t been able to find them anywhere, especially not in town. Well! Not anymore! I stumbled upon The Organic Shop, just behind Springfield School- which is an absolute cornucoppia of vegan things???? I can’t believe I’d never heard of it or been before! Vegans of Jersey, get on this, seriously. One of the best vegan ranges in Jersey- the ‘Camem-verte’ French Camembert I’ve only ever seen in the UK, dozens of different chocolates, all sorts of savoury snacks, plastic free toiletries, and, yes, plastic free sponges! I’m desperately hoping that this issue has been driving at least one other person insane, so that I don’t sound entirely lame lool, but it made my day. For more reasons than the sponges, I can’t wait to go back.

I saw this just after I got home from buying my SPONGES and was like, yeah man. That’s right.

And my last tactile joy this month has been writing. I am ever so bold to think of myself as some kind of writer, just because I’ve always felt a passion for it- definitely not because I do it often enough. I’ve really been feeling the urge to write more recently, and have dropped in and out of National Poetry Writing Month, following prompts from @amykaypoetry. It feels like a huge achievement to have put pen to paper so to speak, finger to keyboard even, and got all of this out. Even if it is all largely inconsequential, but at the same time it isn’t. All of these things have mattered to me, they have made each of my little moments happier, and as a result I am looking back on April very fondly. Writing this also made me appreciate how many little moments I benefitted from moments of connection, hints shared, borrowed, gifted. It’s easy to feel like there isn’t enough community right now, and in many ways that’s absolutely right, but I have to take a minute for the wonderful networks I have, and I hope you do too. It really is about the little things. I saw a post a couple of years ago that said how you spend your days is how you spend your life, and it rocked my shit. Appreciating all of these tiny things, which wouldn’t be so tiny to many in the world, makes every day better. Thank you, if you got this far, and I hope if nothing else I might have encouraged you to go and revel in the little things.

Parting note

In adding this page, I found the image formatting all janky! Maybe I’ll get better at it next time! And a tiny part of me feels like this is all nonsense! Maybe it is! But I had a great time writing it, and I hope any of it was of some interest to anyone at all. If you got this far, bless, thank you, and I hope you enjoyed. I would absolutely love to hear any of your thoughts on anything I’ve mentioned, I figured out how to add a little comment option, but if that’s intimidating please feel free to message me on Instagram or drop me an email! All of my contacts can be found on my contact page:)

And very lastly I have to give some credit to my wonderfully talented and intelligent friend Brooke for the sense-themed headers, I was inspired by her photo dump captions. Check out her account for all things book-stagram!!